Band Geeks (Cartoon Cartoon edition)
by Kartoonkid95
Summary: Based on the famous SpongeBob episode, Dexter rounds up Cartoon Network's classic characters into a marching band to play at the Toon Bowl.


**BAND GEEKS**

(CARTOON CARTOON EDITION)

Based on the famous SpongeBob episode.

Special thanks to writers C.H. Greenblatt, Aaron Springer and Meriwether Williams.

* * *

(Open at Dexter's house; cut to Dexter pouring a chemical)

**DEXTER**: Yes, that is it.

(Chemical drops into tube, blows up in Dexter's face)

**DEXTER:** (sigh)

(Phone rings)

**DEXTER:** (answers) Hello, this is the laboratory of scientific failure. Please leave a message after the

(Mandark is revealed to be on the other line)

**MANDARK:** Sounds like a whiny little super-dork if you ask me.

**DEXTER:** (gasp) Mandark!

**MANDARK:** I hear you're spending more time keeping your hyperactive sister at bay.

**DEXTER:** Yes, well…how are your experiments coming along.

**MANDARK:** Oh I've just completed an expansion project to hold up to 10,000 power generators. I just called to tell you that I'm leading a robotic band to play at the Toon Bowl next week.

**DEXTER:** (shocked) The T-T-T…the T-T-T…the T-T-T…

**MANDARK:** That's right, I'm living your dream, Dexter. The trouble is that my robots have malfunctioned and I can't make it. So I'm thinking your band can go and cover for us.

**DEXTER:** Well…I…

**MANDARK:** I knew it! You don't even have a robot band. Well, I'll just leave you to exploding chemicals now.

**DEXTER:** HOLD IT! It just so happens that I'm going to make a band of my own. And I will build it from scratch, from real professionals! How do you like that, nerd.

**MANDARK:** Good luck next Tuesday. I hope the audience brings lots of…Ibuprofen.

(Dexter hangs up phone)

**DEXTER:** Oh, man. I've got to drum up a marching band fast. (snickers) Drum. Ha-ha, band humor.

* * *

(Dissolve to Albonquetine Island; Lu runs up to Mike and Og with a message in a bottle)

**LU:** Hey, look what I found!

(Make takes message out of bottle)

**MIKE:** It's a flyer. "Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?"

(Cut to I.M. Weasel and I.R. Baboon reading flyer)

**WEASEL:** "Then become part of the greatest musical sensation ever to hit Cartoonland…".

(Cut to Bagge house, Muriel reads flyer)

**MURIEL:** "…and become adored by thousands of people you don't know".

(Cut to Ed, Edd & Eddy reading flyer)

**EDDY:** Not to mention…free refeshments.

(Cut to Johnny Bravo showering reading flyer)

**JOHNNY:** "Practice begins tonight; 8:30pm sharp".

* * *

(Cut to Dexter driving with instruments; watch reads 8:35pm).

**DEXTER:** Stupid musical rental clerk made me late. That idiot doesn't know an oboe from an elbow. (snickers) Elbow, more band humor.

(Dexter enters CN rec center, all characters are talking gibberish)

**DEXTER:** Okay, people! Settle down!

(Everyone is quiet)

**DEXTER:** Okay, now how many of you have played musical instruments before?

**MOJO:** Do instruments of torture count?

**DEXTER:** No.

**ED:** Is mayonnaise an instrument?

**DEXTER:** No, Ed. Mayonnaise is not an instrument.

(Ed lowers his hand, raises it again)

**DEXTER:** Horseradish isn't an instrument either.

(Ed puts hand down)

**DEXTER:** That's okay, nobody has any experience. Luckilly, I have enough talent for all of you. (laughs hysterically)

(Short pause)

**EDDY:** When do we get the free food?

**DEXTER:** Okay, repeat after the robot.

(A robot next to Dexter plays a scale of notes on a clarinet)

**DEXTER:** Brass section, go!

(Johnny, Ed, Fuzzy and Tuddrussel play their brass instruments)

**DEXTER:** Nice! And the winds!

(DeeDee, Bubbles, Lu and Nazz play wind instruments)

**DEXTER:** And the drums!

(Rolf, Baboon and Cow blow on their drumsticks, the sticks shoot out of their hands toward Dexter and pin him to the wall)

**DEXTER:** I am lucky that didn't kill me.

* * *

(Cut to next scene)

**DEXTER:** Now, let's practice marching in rhythm. Now I want everyone to position themselves in straight rows of five.

**CHICKEN:** Is this the part where we start kicking?

**DEXTER:** No, Chicken. That's a chorus line.

**FUZZY:** Kicking? I wanna do some kicking!

(Fuzzy kicks Buttercup)

**BUTTERCUP:** Why you!

(Buttercup beats up fuzzy and the scuffle goes on outside the building; Fuzzy is heard loudly screaming; moment of silence; Fuzzy peeks head in)

**FUZZY:** Whoever's the owner of the while Sedan, you left your lights on.

(Fuzzy walks in revealing Buttercup shoves him through a trombone; Fuzzy sits back down and releases a note)

* * *

(Cut to Day 2; Dexter is leading characters through the street while they play their instruments)

**DEXTER:** That's it people! Toon Bowl, here we come! Flag twirlers, spin those things! And turn…

(Characters turn at the curve)

**DEXTER:** Come on flag twirlers, faster! FASTER! GO! GO! GO!

(Flem and Earl twirl flags so fast they propel themselves in the air and fly into a blimp; explosion; characters put their hands to their hearts; Courage plays "Taps"; Dexter curdles into fetal position)

* * *

(Cut to Day 3 at the rec center)

**DEXTER:** How is that harmonica solo going along, Eustace?

**EUSTACE:** It's tremendous. You wanna see?

(Eustace blows on harmonica, but keeps losing his breath until a long blow causes him to pass out)

* * *

(Cut to Day 4 at the rec center)

**DEXTER:** Well, this is our last night together before the show, and I know none of you have improved since we began.

(Baboon is chewing on a trombone)

**DEXTER:** But I have a theory, people talk loud when they want to act smart, right?

**OTTO:** CORRECT.

**DEXTER:** Well then, if we play loud, people might think we're good. Everybody ready?

(Everyone raises instruments)

**DEXTER:** And a one! And a two! And a one-two-three-four!

(Cut to outside the building; the band plays an extremely loud note that causes the windows to shatter; cut back to Dexter; his hair is blown back and his glasses break)

**DEXTER:** Okay, new theory. Why don't we play so quietly, no one can hear us?

**RED GUY: **Well maybe we wouldn't play so bad is SOMEONE didn't try to play with their bony, girl hands!

**GRIM:** What did you say, punk?

**RED GUY:** Bony. Girl. HANDS.

**GRIM:** Well these hands aren't just for playing!

**RED GUY:** Bring it on, Slender Man! Bring it on!

**MIKE:** No, people. Let's be smart and break it off.

**LARRY:** Oh, so now the talking candy cane is gonna preach to us!

(Everyone argues)

**DEXTER:** Please, settle down! I know tensions are high.

(An all-out brawl breaks out; General Specific beats Private Public with a bassoon; Sheep hits him with a drum)

**DEXTER:** There's a deposit on the equipment people!

(Chicken and Weasel joust each other with clarinets before they screech to a halt; Margery smashed their heads together with cymbals; Buttercup wrestles with Bubbles before Fuzzy kicks Buttercup again; Buttercup chases Fuzzy offscreen with a trombone)

**DEXTER:** SETTLE DOWN! PLEASE!

(The clock strikes 10:00pm; the brawl suddenly stops)

**BLOSSOM:** Hey, class is over.

(Everyone walks toward the exit but are meted by Dexter at the door)

**DEXTER:** Well, you've done it. You took my one chance at happiness and crushed it. Crushed it into quadrillions of tiny, microscopic pieces. I expected better from all of you, but I guess I'm a loser for that, too. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. (sniff) So thanks, thanks for nothing.

(Dexter walks away depressed; pause)

**ED:** You're welcome.

**DEEDEE:** What kind of monsters are we? That poor, creature came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him. Dexter was always there for us when it was convenient for him. Mr. Mayor, when Townsville was under attack by that giant lizard, who defeated it?

**MAYOR:** The Powerpuff Girls.

**DEEDEE:** And Johnny, when your heart ave out from all those tanning pills, who revived you

**JOHNNY:** Some guy in an ambulance.

**DEEDEE:** Right! So if we can all just pretend that Dexter was the Powerpuff Girls or some guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure we can discover what it takes to be in a marching band!

**COURAGE:** Yeah, for the Powerpuffs!

(Everyone cheers)

**DEEDEE:** Now let's make Dexter proud!

(Everyone is lined up to play, DeeDee conducts)

* * *

**DEEDEE:** A one! A two! A sciddly-diddly-doo!

(Cut to the next day; Dexter walks up to the stadium entrance)

**DEXTER:** Well, I knew this was going to happen. They'll just have to find another band to play. I sure hope that—

(Dexter sees Mandark)

**DEXTER:** MANDARK DOESN'T FIND OUT! MANDARK, AAAAAAHHHH! What are you doing here?

**MANDARK:** I just wanted to watch you blow it. So where's your band?

**DEXTER:** Um, they…couldn't come. They…died.

**MANDARK:** Then who's that?

(Dexter sees everyone in full marching band regalia)

**DEXTER:** AAAHH! THAT WOULD BE MY BAND!

**DEEDEE:** We're ready to perform, Dexter.

**MANDARK:** Well Dexter, this is exactly how I expected your band to look.

(DeeDee prances around)

**DEXTER:** That's her…eager dance.

(Mandark laughs as everyone enters the football field)

**DEXTER:** Well, I guess this is the last time I'll ever show my face in this town.

**DEEDEE:** That's the spirit, Dexter!

**ANNOUNCER:** Okay, football fans! Put your hands together for the Cartoon Network Super Band!

(Everyone notices the crowd is made up of live-action people)

**EDD:** Those are some odd-looking people.

**BUBBLES:** Maybe we're near one of those toxic waste dumps.

**COW:** I think I'm gonna be sick.

**DEXTER:** Okay, everybody. Let's get this over with. One, two, three, four…

(Band plays a spectacular fanfare; the characters break into an epic rock song; Mandark is surprised and has a heart attack; Dexter is happy and jumps in the air happy)


End file.
